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The Awful Truth, Day 1: Deshitting the Birdcage with my Bare Hands

by on Jan.08, 2012, under Funny Stuff

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The Awful Truth, Day 1: Deshitting the Birdcage with my Bare Hands
Image by Big Fat Rat
Socar’s Silly Photo Diary: Part One of Six*

Hi. I’m Socar Myles. Yesterday afternoon, I finished the first draft of my first novel. You’d think I’d be celebrating, or at least living the glamourous life of the artiste (whatever the hell that’s meant to be), but instead, I’m cleaning the underside of the birdcage with my bare hands.

This isn’t a posed shot, either. I’m not just pretending to clean, and I’ll go in and do it right, later. No. I’ve got the camera set to snap me every sixty seconds, and I’m going for the gusto. I’m scraping that bird-lime with my fingernails, with my teeth gritted so it won’t go in my mouth. These birds, I tell you–they’re masters of the oblique-angle shite. They can be sitting on the curvy perch (right above my face, there), and shiting on the window, the radiator, the television, the floor, the couch, the wall, and the ceiling. You might think I’m making that last part up for effect, but I’m not. There was honestly, no hint of a joke, birdshit on the ceiling.

At any rate, the camera ran out of batteries after twenty-five pictures. With the possible exception of one where my bottom’s stuck up in the air, revealing an enormous hole in the seat of my pants, this is the most humiliating of the bunch. I do hope you enjoy it…ya sadistic sods.

* I haven’t done the other five yet. I figured I’d do one a day for six days, or one every two days for twelve, or something of the sort. At any rate, it’s a slice of life, what? Fascinating, isn’t it? Bet you’ve never seen a birdcage this big, before.

Patriotic Pampered Pocket Pooch Posing Proudly
Image by Randy Son Of Robert
A little dog is in the spirit of the day all dressed up in a red white and blue outfit. Sporting sunglasses to protect his little doggy eyes from those harmful UV rays.

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